Everyone is afraid of something. Puppies (cynophobia), clowns (coulrophobia), and even peanut butter stuck to the roof of your mouth (arachibutyrophobia) is enough to give some folks sweaty palms, a racing heart, and a compulsion to run for the hills.
Legal practitioners are not immune from phobias — except what keeps us up at night might be slightly different. From new and unfamiliar technology to looming deadlines or productions run amok, there is a lot to make a legal professional shake in their boots. Below is a cheeky look at those phobias.
What legaltech phobias are keeping your peers up at night?
Etymology: From the acronym for the "fear of missing out." See also FOFOMO.
The fear of experiencing FOMO. A state of panic brought on by the abundance of dinners, meetings, and parties at Legaltech 2020, and the belief that someone at another event may be having more fun than you. Typified by obsessively asking, “So what event are you going tonight?”
Etymology: From the name for a hard cover to hold paper, often favored by lawyers.
The crippling fear of giving up paper, Redwelds, and Banker Boxes. Debilitating anxiety anytime digitization and technology threatens to make all that beautiful paper obsolete. May be characterized by a strong mistrust of advanced analytics or review platforms.
Etymology: From the automatic email response used when away from work.
Debilitating anxiety induced by turning on your “out of office” notification. Typified by a persistent fear of using more efficient solutions that allow you to take a vacation, leave the office, or enjoy your weekend. Symptoms may include using slow or outdated technology to ensure you remain chained to your desk
Etymology: From the charismatic Marvel superhero with all the cool toys.
The fear of using AI as your force multiplier. Rapid onset of fear anxiety any time a legal practitioner is embracing advanced technology to supercharge their legal practice. Often accompanied by an aversion to reducing time to insights through the application of AI.
Etymology: From the one ring to rule them all in The Lord of the Rings.
The overwhelming fear of losing your favorite thing. Irrational anxiety or onset of panic when contemplating letting go of your beloved data center, racks, and servers to move to the cloud. People suffering from this often refuse to migrate to the cloud and insist on using less effective on-premise solutions.
Etymology: From the sound of Sesame Street's Cookie Monster gobbling up cookies.
The fear of losing free cookies. Panic brought on by contemplating the loss of the ubiquitous "I'm sorry" cookies after a vendor screws up, misses a discovery deadline, or botches a managed review. Symptoms often appear shortly before or after breaking up with a bad vendor.
Etymology: From the scientific name for a very large cloud.
The fear of cloud computing. Exemplified by the false belief that using your server room is safer and more secure than a multibillion dollar global cloud infrastructure.
Etymology: From Juris Doctorate, the degree obtained by all U.S. lawyers.
The fear of doing what you went to school for, often experienced by attorneys leveraging AI. A feeling of dread induced by technology automating mundane tasks, freeing you up to actually practice law. May be characterized by refusal to adopt better technology, dislike of writing briefs, and motion-writing paralysis.
Etymology: From the popular collaboration tool favored by millennials.
The fear of ingesting modern data formats. Those suffering from this phobia experience a rigid onset of terror brought on by having to handle Slack and other new messaging applications in your ediscovery review. Often brought on by experience with subpar data extraction and attempting to review messy .JSON files.
Etymology: From the cringeworthy 1970s music genre.
The fear of catching “Saturday Night Fever.” Irrational panic or anxiety from disco balls, polyester, or the leading next-gen legal technology company. Sufferers avoid the Bee Gees, polyester, and cloud-native AI-powered legal technology.
If any of these phobias sound familiar, come to booth 2123 at Legaltech 2020 to learn how DISCO helps you face your fears, or or use the link below to become Certified Fearless.